Wednesday 7 March 2012

The Truth Is Out There



I wrote recently about what I would do if I owned a time machine. However I now feel that I've been beaten to it as, in the past week, I have seen two individuals who were, without any shadow of a doubt, time travellers.

Time Traveller number one was an old chap at Peterborough railway station. He was wandering along Platform 3 in an old-fashioned style de-mob suit, a trilby hat, and a slightly ragged handkerchief flapping in the breeze from his breast pocket. He carried with him an old battered brown suitcase and was wearily trudging along, albeit with some degree of purpose, and with a steely determination in his eyes.

It wasn't clear where he’d come from. There were no trains that had recently departed the platform and it was apparent that he was heading off to either another platform or out of the station altogether.

He appeared to be a Time Traveller from the past, whipped up in some disruptive time disturbance and plonked down in 2012.

Time Traveller number two was a young chap in an ill-fitting suit (all time travellers are very smartly dressed it would seem). He was boarding a bus but was looking very confused by his surroundings. On his suit he had a sticker with the word ‘visitor’ emblazoned upon it. This, I have to add, was all taking place in the middle of the countryside so it wasn't obvious where he had visited.

The only conclusion that can be drawn is that time travellers distinguish themselves with a visitors badge. It stands to reason. Why wouldn't they?


You may think I'm going loopy, and who am I to argue, but when all is said and done the facts speak for themselves. We are being visited by time travellers, therefore ruling out all known theories that have emerged from the brains of such luminaries as Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, or David Icke.

Younger readers might like to look the last one up. Sports reporter turned son of God turned conspiracy theorist who thinks the Royal Family are a bunch of shape-shifting lizards. Quite a career. I met him once when he opened a fete on the Isle of Wight although this was before he donned the turquoise tracksuit of divinity, but I digress.


The only thing is that the time travellers obviously cannot control their time machines as they keep showing up in random places at completely inauspicious moments.

This is probably for the best otherwise time travelling tourists would be everywhere.

For example you'd never be able to get a ticket for a concert and you’d really struggle to get one for the forthcoming Olympics.

Hold on… People are struggling to get tickets for the Olympics… This can only mean one thing… Conspiracy!